Every Child Has Their Own Sleep Puzzle
How 1:1 sleep coaching works with Raised to Flourish
Hi, I’m Hava! I’m a twice-certified holistic sleep consultant and a mom of three girls, and I’ve spent over five years helping families get more rest without sleep training.
If you’re thinking about working together, you probably want to know what that actually looks like before you say yes. This page walks you through how I think about sleep, how coaching works, what to realistically expect, and whether it’s the right fit for your family.
If sleep has been hard in your home, that doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong. Your child needing you is normal, and responding to them is never a mistake. Most families who come to me have simply been given advice that was never written for their child.
How I See Sleep: The Sleep Puzzle
When sleep is hard, there’s a reason. Usually one or more pieces of the puzzle are missing or out of place, and understanding why gives us the foundation we need to support your child well. So before we change anything, we start with the why. Every puzzle is different, so two children with the exact same struggle can need completely different things.
The pieces I look at
Your child’s body
🔵Underlying medical conditions: we assess for anything underlying that may be affecting sleep, like reflux, allergies, nutrient deficiencies, or breathing concerns, and refer out to the right professionals, such as doctors, IBCLCs, bodyworkers, allergists and ENTs.
🔵 Developmental stage: leaps, new skills, separation anxiety and big milestones all show up in sleep.
Who your child is
🔵 Temperament and personality: some children are easygoing, some are intense, some are slow to warm up. An approach that works beautifully for one child can completely backfire with another.
🔵 Sensory requirements: some children need more movement, pressure or calm to settle, and some get overstimulated more easily.
How sleep is happening right now
This is where we optimize sleep through sleep science.
🔵Individual sleep needs and biological rhythms: how much sleep your child’s body actually needs in 24 hours, and whether their day supports their natural sleep pressure and circadian rhythm. When the timing lines up with their biology, falling asleep and staying asleep get so much easier.
🔵 How your child falls asleep: healthy, restorative sleep comes from a foundation of calm. Most babies, and even toddlers, need help to fall asleep and stay asleep. So we’re not looking at removing support or forcing independence. Instead, we focus on supporting your child’s calm in a way that feels sustainable for your family.
🔵 Daytime and sleep routines: the rhythm of your child’s day and the routines leading into naps and bedtime, and how predictable and settling they feel for your child.
The world around them
🔵 Home life and sleep environment: what your days look like, how sleep is supported during the day, and the sleep space itself.
🔵 Connection and regulation: your child’s relationship with you and how their nervous system is supported toward calm, both during the day and at sleep times. Children borrow calm from the adults they trust, so this connection is a big part of how sleep improves.
🔵 Parental wellbeing: how you’re doing matters. Your rest, your capacity and your mental health are part of the plan too.
Two pieces that shape almost every plan
Sleep needs: finding your child’s rhythm
Understanding your child’s individual sleep needs is often a huge part of our work together. Every child needs a different amount of sleep in 24 hours. We’re not trying to get your child on a rigid schedule. Instead, we find a rhythm that gives them the amount of sleep their body actually needs, with day and night sleep balanced and spread throughout the day in a way that works for them. When that balance is right, it encourages easier bedtimes and longer stretches of sleep.
Temperament: who your child is
Temperament doesn’t just affect how your child sleeps. It shapes what they need to sleep well, how their day can be tailored to support their sleep, and how they’ll respond to the changes we make. A highly alert, sensitive child might need a calmer lead-up to sleep and smaller, slower steps, while a more easygoing child may adjust quickly. Knowing your child’s temperament helps us choose the right changes and the right pace from the start.
When working with a family, I thoroughly examine their child’s characteristics and sleep patterns before addressing any of these puzzle pieces. Each puzzle is unique, so my recommendations for each family will differ based on their child’s individual needs. For some children, addressing underlying medical conditions may be crucial, while for others, sensory needs or temperament might be key.
My recommendations may include adjustments to any of these pieces, but that doesn’t mean changing everything at once. We focus on clear, practical changes that will make the biggest difference for your child, at a pace that works for your family, building step by step toward your sleep goals. We build on what’s already working for you, so you’re never starting from scratch.
Every change is talked through together and tailored to your family and your individual child, so your plan fits your real life and feels sustainable to keep up.
Holistic baby and toddler sleep support means understanding the unique child in front of me, figuring out what their puzzle looks like, and identifying the missing or misaligned pieces that need adjusting, so the whole family can get more rest and feel well.
There is plenty of free content online, but sometimes you need someone to help you cut through the fluff, to reassure you about what's normal, empower you with responsive, and evidenced based sleep solutions tailored to your unique family and child.
With 1:1 support you’ll receive personalized expert advice and guidance to improve sleep, your confidence and feel supported in trusting your instincts
What Responsive Support Looks Like Here
No crying alone, and no limits on how you respond
Your child will never be left to cry alone, and I will never tell you to limit how you respond to them. I don’t use sleep training methods of any kind. That includes cry it out, Ferber, intermittent soothing, the chair method, shush pat, and pick up put down. Your support is never held back or put on a timer. You respond to your child whenever they need you, and that responsiveness is part of the plan. If you’ve tried any of these before, there’s no judgment here. So many parents find me after something didn’t feel right for their family, or after a method worked for a while and then stopped. Whatever brought you here, you haven’t ruined anything or set your child back. We start from where you are today and build from there.
Gradual changes, real results
The shifts we make might feel subtle or gradual, but we’re still making real changes, and they lead to real improvements in sleep. Instead of asking your child to fit into one generic sleep method, we create an approach that works for who they are and what they need.
Will there be tears?
Sometimes, yes. Change is hard, and babies are allowed to feel mad, sad or frustrated about it. The difference in my approach is that your child is never asked to feel those big feelings on their own. They feel them with you right there, close and calm, borrowing your calm through coregulation while they adapt. You’ll feel equipped to support any tears in a way that feels right to you. And you will never, ever be told to push through beyond what feels right to you or beyond your child’s capacity.
What to Realistically Expect
How long does it take?
Change takes time, and it depends on your child. I never guarantee a quick fix. Sometimes sleep improves quickly, within a week or two. Bigger changes, like night weaning, changing how or where your child falls asleep, or bringing in a new caregiver, can take more time. It depends on your child and their big picture, but it does get better. Every plan is designed to guide you through to your goals, and follow-up support is available for ongoing guidance and troubleshooting along the way.
Sleep isn’t a straight line
Progress isn’t always a straight line. Teething, leaps, illness and travel can all bring a wobble, and that’s a normal part of a growing child. It doesn’t mean the plan has failed or that you’ve done anything wrong. When it happens, we adjust.
What progress looks like
Progress isn’t only measured in hours of sleep. It often shows up as shorter bedtimes, fewer battles, easier resettling, longer stretches, and you feeling more confident about what to do next.
Is this the right fit?
I love working with parents who:
🔵 understand that every baby and toddler is unique
🔵 know that their child needing them for sleep is normal and expected
🔵 want to find a balance that works for their own needs as a parent, while still prioritizing responsiveness and their individual child
🔵 are open to making gradual changes and giving them time to settle in
🔵 want to understand why their child sleeps the way they do
This might not be the right fit if:
🔵 you’re looking for a quick fix or a guaranteed result. We’re working with little humans here, and we’ll go at your child’s pace.
🔵 you’re set on strict independence or cry-based methods. That’s not my approach, and I’d rather be upfront about it.
🔵 you want a generic plan you can download and follow. Everything I create is built around your child.
Not sure if this is right for you? My DMs (@raisedtoflourish) and inbox (hava@raisedtoflourish.com) are always open.
Let’s make sleep feel better.
What other parents are saying...
You got questions, I got answers
What ages of children do you work with?
I work with families who have children from newborn to age 4.
How soon can I start?
Today! Now! As soon as you enroll you can begin your intake forms and schedule your call!
What sleep challenges can you help me with?
Every family has unique goals and challenges, so if you don’t see your specific challenge here, that doesn’t mean I can’t help! If you have questions my DMs (@raisedtoflourish) or email inbox (hava@raisedtoflourish.com) are always open.
I can support your family with,
✔ Education about normal infant and toddler sleep and realistic expectations
✔ Difficulty falling asleep and staying asleep
✔ Extended night wakings
✔ Feeling overwhelmed with sleep
✔ Parental exhaustion
✔ Frequent night waking
✔ Fighting sleep
✔ Challenging naps
✔ Nap transitions
✔ Split nights (awake for extended periods in the middle of the night)
✔ False starts (wakes 45 minutes after bedtime or multiple times in the first 2-4 hours of the night)
✔ Early morning rises (waking for the day before 6 AM or earlier than you’d like)
✔ Changing sleep associations/soothing strategies
✔ Sleep space transitions (moving to their own room, or from bedsharing/contact napping to solo sleep)
✔ Childcare transitions
✔ Bedtime battles
✔ Involving your partner or support person in sleep routines
✔ Night weaning after 12 months
Do you use traditional sleep training?
No, I do not use sleep training in my approach to sleep.
Sleep training takes a behaviour-based approach to sleep, changing how a child communicates their needs to their caregiver instead of changing sleep itself. This includes full extinction, “cry it out,” timed or incremental soothing, and “parent present” methods like the chair method or pick up/put down.
When I support families to better sleep through this membership, it doesn't include any methods that limit how a parent responds to their child’s cries, either in increments or by having the caregiver respond in only specific ways.
Instead, we take a completely holistic perspective of sleep, assessing all aspects that may impact your child’s sleep challenges to address the root cause and meet your goals.
Everything from
✔ Sleep environment
✔ Routines and rhythms
✔ Day and nighttime sleep balance
✔ Feeding and nutrition
✔ Underlying medical concerns
✔ Sleep science
✔ Emotional wellbeing
✔ Family dynamics and relationships
✔ And more!
Along with developmentally appropriate expectations and strategies to support your well-being as a parent. I support you to find the root cause and optimize sleep through responsive parenting and sleep science, with the ultimate goal of you feeling empowered and confident in supporting your child to their best sleep.
I place immense value in you trusting your instincts and tuning into your unique child, meeting their needs, resulting in sleep solutions that you can feel good about. And in this way, you will have real, lasting results, not only with sleep but in your parenting journey as a whole.
Why don’t you use traditional sleep training?
In short, I believe there is a better way to improve sleep for the family, one that honours a child’s emotional and physical needs and supports a child’s attachment needs. Sleep is not a skill that can be taught; it is a biological function. No sleep training method truly teaches sleep, connecting sleep cycles or self-soothing – it merely changes how a child communicates with their caregivers.
Sleep is a vulnerable state for all humans, and even more so for our babies. It’s crucial that children go to sleep from a place of calm and feeling connected to you, not out of defensiveness from being left alone. Separation is one of our children’s most wounding experiences; it is only through connection and attachment that true independence can develop. Sleep training methods are designed to use separation and lack of parental response to change sleep behaviour, at the risk of a child's emotional needs being unmet.
Sleep training goes against your parental instincts. It never feels good to hear our little ones cry or be upset, and they depend on us to provide them calm, safety and security in their world. They rely on us to respond to them and to meet their needs. As caregivers, we are biologically hardwired to feel activated when we hear our little ones crying for us. Even while we are making changes, supporting our children’s emotions is a crucial part of their emotional and psychological development.
Babies are designed to wake at night and communicate their needs to their caregivers to have them met. It is vital that they do so and that they can trust us to respond! Unfortunately, sleep training only teaches a child that their cries will be ignored, that we won’t come when they call and leave their underlying needs unmet.
We have significant research that shows that traditional sleep training does not result in a baby who wakes less frequently or who has better sleep quality – instead, it merely changes how the baby communicates to their caregiver when they do wake.
I believe that babies need responsive, nurturing care both day and night and that there is a way to maximize a parent’s rest while honouring a baby’s emotional and physical needs. Improving sleep for the family in a way that understands biological norms, is aligned with realistic expectations, and addresses the root of sleep disruptions.
How is your approach different than sleep training?
Instead of merely focusing on sleep behaviour, I take a truly holistic perspective of sleep and assess all factors influencing sleep to support your family’s rest.
All strategies and plans are founded in responsive, attachment-focused methods, designed to get to the root of sleep challenges and give you the tools you need to make changes that align with your child and values.
Remember, you are the expert on your child. My job is to guide you, offer suggestions and strategies, shine a light on any areas of concern, recommend solutions based on my experience, encourage emotional connections, build stronger relationships, and support you along the way.
My approach is designed with developmentally appropriate expectations and the latest research in neuroscience, brain development and attachment. There are no generic or arbitrary rules or guidelines, but instead is tailored to your unique family.
What does the sleep assessment include?
In this sleep assessment, I get a complete picture of all the factors influencing sleep, understand your unique family, and can best provide suggestions and strategies that honour your individual family that will support your goals.
I assess:
✔ Family lifestyle
✔ Temperament
✔ Your wellbeing
✔ Birth experience
✔ Sleep environment
✔ Nutrition and feeding, including one day of feeding logs
✔ Screening for underlying medical conditions that may be impacting sleep quality
✔ Routines
✔ Soothing strategies
✔ Daytime stimulation
✔ 3-day sleep log so I can understand current sleep rhythms and your child’s unique sleep needs.
Are sleep plans custom?
Yes, entirely custom to your goals and your family. Your sleep plan is delivered following our first call together so that we can first talk about what may work best for your family and aligns with your goals. It is not a generic 10-step program; its purpose is that you have a clear resource with suggestions to guide you forward, not a strict plan you must adhere to.
The sleep plan will reflect everything that we discuss on the call, laid out in a way that is easily implementable as you find beneficial. I provide suggestions, and you decide the right fit for your family and child. There are no generic solutions or one-size-fits-all solutions!
Your little one is entirely unique, and so is every family! Therefore, the strategies need to be ones that you can feel good about and that work for your little one, as unique as they are. You know your child best, and there is no one path to better sleep and well-being.
Do you help teach a child to self soothe?
The concept that babies can learn how to “self-soothe” by being left to cry or when separated from their caregiver is a complete myth. Babies are neurologically incapable of self-soothing or calming themselves from a state of stress without the support of a caregiver.
True self-soothing is an ability that babies learn through first BEING soothed.
That is just how brain development works.
The foundation of this ability is the child's experiences of their caregiver’s timely, sensitive, consistent and appropriate responses to their distress (also the basis for a secure attachment). They learn to self-soothe when they learn to trust that you are there to help them whenever they need you and that you can read their cues and understand their communication.
We bring our calm to meet our children when they are stressed or upset. By meeting our children with calm, soothing, responsive care, we support their nervous system to calm. We aid them in this process, building connections in their brain so they can regulate themselves effectively in the future. It happens through the developmental process, not as a skill they can be taught.
Children learn how to regulate their emotions by borrowing the mature adult brain and being provided coregulation and support. From this foundation of first BEING soothed and having regulation modelled to them, children can learn how to do it themselves when their brain develops the capability to do so. After 1000s of experiences of being soothed, their brain slowly gains these skills.
When a baby is in a state of stress, if they call for you, they need you to respond, and by having this understanding, we can do so confidently, knowing that we are setting our children up for their best chance at effective future regulation.
Can you help my child fall asleep independently?
It is a reality that most babies (and even toddlers!) need some level of parental support to fall asleep. However, suppose there are certain aspects around soothing strategies that aren’t sustainable for you. In that case, I absolutely encourage you to make changes around those aspects while still finding a way to support your child’s need for your presence to feel calm and safe as they enter sleep.
For example, it takes a long time for your child to fall asleep, or the support they prefer is making you uncomfortable or causing pain (for example, bouncing on a yoga ball hurts your back). You can change elements that no longer serve your family while meeting their need for your support in ways that work for you both.
When we support our children’s sleep, we build lifelong sleep health by:
✔ Lending our adult brain, so infants enter sleep in a rest and digest parasympathetic state of their nervous system
✔ Create an association between sleep and a feeling of safety and comfort
✔ Facilitate brain waves in sleep that are more restorative
✔ Influence less night waking
✔ Help them go to sleep faster
✔ Influence their childhood, adolescent and adult sleep to be more consolidated, better quality, reduced insomnia
Depending on your child's temperament, some babies need more support to fall asleep while others prefer more space. If your child communicates that they need your support, that’s simultaneously normal, expected AND challenging.
Due to their immature nervous system, babies often need the soothing presence of an adult, and this isn’t something we can necessarily change without consequence. Our presence makes all the difference in their developing brain, supporting their lifelong mental wellness with nurturing care and support. Nurture is what builds the brain towards resilience and builds sleep health.
Supporting a child to fall asleep independently is a marathon, not a sprint.
Your child doesn’t have to fall alseep independent of parental support in order to sleep well. Regardless of if you feed, rock, bounce, hold or cuddle your child to sleep, it will never create sleep problems or additional wakes. This isn’t a skill that they must learn; supporting your child to sleep, however you choose, does not hinder them from sleeping well.
However, there are often times when parents want to make changes around how they are supporting their child to sleep, either because their current settling strategies are no longer sustainable for them or because they want to gently encourage future goals of falling asleep independently. Perhaps transitioning from bouncing to holding, or from feeding to cuddling to sleep. This is absolutely something that I can support you with. You can absolutely change how you support your child to sleep without removing your support all together; knowing that it is normal for babies, toddlers and even preschoolers to enjoy the warm comfort of your presence as they drift off to sleep.
Do you make any guarantees about how my child will sleep after working with you?
Unlike traditional sleep training, I will never make any wild claims like your child will sleep 12 hours without calling for you in 12 days or anything else. (many of these claims are for marketing purposes and not reality anyway!)
Your child is unique, and maintaining developmentally appropriate expectations while working on improving sleep is crucial – when children have needs to be met, they need to be able to trust us to respond and meet those needs. Babies and toddlers are whole humans with complex needs, much of which are out of our complete control.
Making guarantees about another human merely sets parents up for unrealistic expectations. I do guarantee that you will walk away feeling confident about working towards your sleep goals in a way that aligns with your values, so you will be able to stress less and get the rest you need.
