Understanding Infant Sleep: A Practical Guide for Parents

Hava | Raised To Flourish Author

Discover nine key aspects of normal infant sleep

Navigating infant sleep can be daunting for new parents bombarded with conflicting advice and unrealistic expectations. However, by understanding the biological realities of infant sleep, you can approach parenting with confidence and compassion.

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Here are nine key aspects of normal infant sleep that every parent should now. It's also important to note that neurologically, infancy is considered the first three years of your child's life!

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1. Babies Sleep Differently:

Infants have distinct sleep patterns characterized by shorter sleep cycles and frequent awakenings. These patterns do not indicate poor sleep but serve vital functions such as ensuring regular feeding and monitoring for safety.

Our bodies rely on two separate mechanisms for sleep: the circadian rhythm and sleep pressure. Circadian rhythm is related to time. At the time of birth, our baby's circadian rhythm is very immature, which often leads to sleep being evenly spaced throughout the day and night. As our baby's brains mature, and with time and exposure to natural light and activity levels, our babies begin to be able to decipher between night and day. According to the time of the day, alerting hormones, cortisol, sleepy hormones, and melatonin are also released. So, it is significantly more challenging if we attempt to get our babies to sleep when they aren't ready because their bodies tell them it is wake time.

When your child is born, they cycle through two sleep cycles: active and quiet. These sleep cycles are very short, and this is good and important. This is protective, both against SIDS and to allow for optimal feeding. They need to eat frequently, both day and night, to support the massive amount of brain development they experience. It is during this newborn stage that your child grows at a faster rate than they ever will again.

Babies are designed to wake up easily and sleep less deeply than adults to prevent harm or death. Their stomachs are small, so night feedings can be necessary for at least the first 12-18 months. They sleep in short cycles of active sleep to aid their developing brains.

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2. Night Waking is Normal:

The reality is that most babies don't consistently sleep through the night in their first year of life, and night wakes are normal even through the second.

Don't get me wrong, I know that doesn't make it any easier.

There is a real reason why babies wake at night.

It's not because:

They don't know how to self-soothe/settle

They lack the "skill" of putting themselves back to sleep

They are manipulating you, have bad sleep habits or a sleep prop

You are doing something wrong.

It's because…

They simply need something. It's as hard and as simple as that. Babies and toddlers are uniquely dependent on their caregivers to meet nearly all of their needs, from emotional to physical to everything in between. When they lightly arouse between sleep cycles (we all do this) and assess that they need something, they will call for you.

There are MANY reasons why a baby or toddler may wake and call for you at night.

Physical needs: Discomfort, hunger and thirst. You may have heard or been told that babies *shouldn't* need night feeds after a certain age or weight, but the reality is that night feeds are normal and often necessary throughout the first year (and beyond). Additionally, if a baby is experiencing discomfort, like reflux, body tension, low iron, sleep-disordered breathing, or food intolerances, this will impact sleep.

Emotional needs: Comfort, connection, closeness, missing you. 10-12 hours is a LONG time for our little people to be away from us. Just like our children need us deeply during the day, nighttime is no different.

Sleep foundations: Being under or overtired at bedtime, something in their environment waking them, being over or under stimulated during the day, etc. can all impact how frequently a child wakes at night.

Being a NORMAL baby: Babies are designed to sleep differently than adults - of course, this doesn't mean it's easy for US as parents. We must consider this and the incredible growth and development they experience along with normal bouts of teething and illness.

But your child is not waking due to a lack of skill set or because you've neglected to "teach" them a skill.

So then, what do we do?

• Optimize sleep in all the areas we DO have more influence over. This includes consistent routines, tuning into your child's unique sleep needs, building a positive association with sleep and their sleep space, tweaking their environment and more.

• Shift any patterns that are no longer working for your family. This could include incorporating a partner into sleep patterns, changing sleep associations that are no longer sustainable and more.

• Get creative to maximize everyone's rest in this season of life. This will ultimately look different for every family, based on their needs and lifestyle!

3. Consolidated Sleep Isn't Necessary:

The ideal of consolidated sleep, where babies sleep for long stretches through the night without calling for their parents, is a modern expectation, but not one based on evidence. This then leads to the question, is consolidated sleep necessary for your child's development? This is one of the justifications we're given by sleep programs and sleep trainers on a regular basis - that we are doing a disservice to our little ones by not helping them achieve consolidated sleep. But in reality, this claim couldn't be further from the truth and is not supported by science in any way. Night wakes are normal, and not shown to be harmful or to influence development in any way.

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4. No Such Thing as Bad Sleep Habits:

Sleep information is filled with fear-based messaging, warnings of the "dangers" of responding too much, the creation of sleep "props," and the importance of independent sleep.

But if contact naps, rocking or feeding to sleep is something that you and your baby enjoys, it is MORE than okay to embrace that. Let go of that societal pressure.

By supporting your child's needs for connection and closeness, you can benefit not only their sleep but also their brain and emotional development. Helping your baby fall asleep will not create sleep problems or additional wakes. It doesn't get in the way of them sleeping well. If anything, it helps them know that sleep is a safe place to go and stay and creates a positive association with sleep itself.

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When I work with families, my number one rule is if it's working for you and your baby, it's working. Nothing you do now, no way of supporting their sleep or being responsive could be anything but beneficial to them.

You can absolutely keep what you love and make gentle changes towards what you don't so that you CAN love your sleep situation. You can lead the process in a way that continues to support your child's emotional needs at every step.

The next time those fears come to mind, I want you to stop and say to yourself - this is important work. I am growing my child's brain. I am building their future independence.

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5. Understanding Variability in Sleep:

Your little one is finally taking predictable naps or sleeping longer stretches at night, and suddenly, things feel like a mess again. As frustrating as this can be, it's also entirely normal. Infant sleep rarely develops linearly, meaning that it's continually improving, and once your baby *fills in the blank*, you can always expect that from them. It's simply not the case.

Research supports the idea that infant sleep is highly variable, both when comparing two different children and through the individual child's changes and stages. It is reasonable to expect your child to have periods of more frequent wakes and other times when they need sleep more predictably or for longer stretches.

This variability can show up in

• Overall sleep needs are how long your child can comfortably be awake between sleeps and how much sleep they need in a 24-hour period.

• Nap lengths: how much sleep your child needs to relieve enough sleep pressure to continue their day.

• In feeding needs and patterns

Many babies will experience this throughout the first 2+ years of life, and it's not something to panic over! It's not because you have or are doing anything wrong or that something is wrong with your baby.

These changes are largely influenced by,

• Developmental leaps and milestones

• Variations in daytime stimulation or daily routines

• Teething, illness, and other life changes

• Your child's temperament

And more!

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As much as we might want to go into 'fix it' mode after a challenging night, or tough period of sleep - sometimes it's completely out of our control. So many factors can influence sleep for our little ones, and while we can certainly try to influence improvements, sometimes it truly isn't something we can change or fix.

Sometimes acceptance is the best means to more peaceful sleep.

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6. Closeness and Co-regulation:

Babies instinctively seek closeness and co-regulation with their caregivers, especially during sleep.

The idea that we can force or train independence is a fundamental misunderstanding of how secure attachment forms and infants' needs.

By being sensitive, responsive, and attuned caregivers, we do the exact OPPOSITE of hindering independence. Responsiveness builds trust and safety in the relationship, showing our babies that they matter and are secure in their world.

True independence comes from a deep dependence on their caregiver. Providing a solid foundation of trust and safety allows babies to explore and develop independence throughout their journey of growth.

Independence cannot be taught, trained, or forced upon a child. Children naturally incline to seek closeness and connection with us. They attach through their senses in the first year of life, relying on sight, hearing, taste, touch, and smell. This is why they want to be close to us and protest separation—it's their natural drive for relationship and connection.

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Understanding the significance of attachment and responsiveness can bridge the separation and support our children's instincts. We can approach sleep and parenting differently by inviting them to depend on us and providing warm, sensitive, and responsive care.

Then, we can confidently understand why our babies seek closeness and may wake for more than physical needs. Comfort and connection are just as valid as hunger or thirst, and we can never spoil our children with too much love or responsive care. This approach nurtures more independent, securely attached, and confident children in the long run.

By working with our children's attachment needs instead of against them, we not only provide them with the best chance at lifelong mental wellness but also support their emotional needs through any changes we make to sleep patterns. It's about nurturing their brains with love and creating a strong foundation for their overall wellbeing

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7. Your child is unique:

Each baby is unique, and their sleep preferences may vary. Temperament is an essential piece of the puzzle when assessing how to support your child with sleep best.

This is something that is innate and exists right from birth. Your child's personality and temperament impact how they experience the world around them and react to changes, situations and sleep!

So many parents put pressure on themselves regarding their child's sleep - blaming themselves if their child seems to sleep worse than their friend's babies or people they see online.

But here is the truth.

There are babies who sleep naturally well from birth, perhaps fall asleep independently easily with no tears and sleep through the night from an early age. And this has SO much to do with their born temperament NOT anything the parent is or isn't doing.

Likewise, if your child seems to need A LOT of support with sleep, wakes frequently, perhaps takes short naps and struggles to be apart from you.. this has so much to do with their born temperament and isn't anything you've done or caused.

All children are completely different, and we cannot change who they are; instead, it is crucial that we learn their temperament traits and work WITH them, not against them, for the best impact to their sleep. This individuality has to be honoured to have a real, positive impact on sleep.

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8. How your child sleeps is not a reflection of your worth or success as a parent

Our mindset can impact not only what actually happens with sleep in our household but also our perception of what is going on around us.

Often, we are given messages from society that we are solely responsible for our child's sleep and what results is a measure of our success or worth as parents. We are also told that sleep is something that we must manage, or else our children will never sleep well.

Not only is this not factual, but if we let these messages influence our mindset, trying to control something that is (in large part) out of our control, and feeling like failures when our children don't align with society's standards of "good baby sleep," our journey is likely going to be overwhelming and stressful.

But if we are able to detach our worth from how our child sleeps, understand what aspects of sleep we do (or don't) have more influence over, and embrace radical acceptance for the results, we can align our mindset towards one that can benefit our mental wellbeing - even through challenging sleep periods.

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9. You can get better sleep without sleep training

I often hear from parents struggling with sleep challenges but feel like they have no other option but to "wait it out,' because the only "solutions" they have seen are traditional sleep training methods which don't align with their parenting values.

There is a perception about baby sleep that to make any changes to your family's sleep, sleep training is the only option. Some will say that those with a holistic and responsive approach to sleep tell parents that everything is normal and they must suck it up and wait it out. ⁠

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But this shift you might need – you can ABSOLUTELY make changes to things that are no longer working for your family in a genuinely gentle, responsive and respectful way. When you approach sleep holistically and responsively, you gain confidence in your parenting decisions, a deeper understanding of your child, their behaviour, sleep and unique needs, and knowledge to make changes now and in the future. ⁠

Taking a genuinely responsive approach to sleep doesn't mean that we can't do ANYTHING to improve sleep; it DOES mean that when those changes are made, it's done within the context and meeting all of their underlying needs, understanding developmentally appropriate expectations AND making shifts to support your own wellbeing in the process.

Sleep is like a puzzle. There are so many different pieces; not only is every child unique, but so is every family. What works beautifully for one, may be the worst nightmare for another. This individuality needs to be honoured and supported if you want to find what works for you.⁠ ⁠

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And that's where a holistic approach to sleep comes into play. ⁠

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When I work with families, we examine every piece of the puzzle to make positive shifts and changes that support improved sleep and wellbeing for the entire family.⁠

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We look at everything from your child's temperament and sensory needs to how much sleep they need to thrive, optimizing sleep hygiene and nutrition, optimizing parental sleep, and troubleshooting challenges through the lens of real sleep science. Any changes are made responsively, honouring your child's emotions and needs at every step. And so much more. ⁠

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Once you have this understanding of who your unique child is, you can begin adjusting those pieces to fit them together to maximize sleep and wellbeing. ⁠ Not for the short term but to create real, long-lasting results and confidence for your family and child. 💜⁠

Looking for more comprehensive support to help your child and family get better rest? Explore our guides and 1:1 sleep coaching.

Categories: : Babies